‘It’s six inside, four outside, three in a pub, two in a garden, and five in a shop, or something’ clarifies Boris

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Boris Johnson has today clarified the government’s ever-changing position surrounding coronavirus restrictions by confirming this afternoon, once and for all that it is six inside, four outside, three in a pub two in a garden and five in a shop, or something along those lines anyway.

As the government, its own ministers and the general public continue to grapple with local lockdown rules across the nation, the Prime Minister has looked to end the confusion today by explaining the rules in a clear and understandable way.

Speaking earlier he told us, “Look, this is very simple stuff, and quite frankly I shouldn’t have to explain it again.

“In the North East, you can meet with six people inside and outside, as long as there are only four of you and two of you are outside, or something.

“This is also the case for the rest of the country, apart from the south, where you can meet with three people in a pub, or five in a shop, as long as the shop is outside and there are only nine of you, I think.

“And if you are a student, you cannot meet anyone, or leave your halls, but must continue to pay about £15k a year for the privilege of being locked up.

“If we continue to follow these guidelines, and keep saying ‘hands space, race, face’, or something, then we will be keeping ourselves safe, and others.”

Following up the advice shortly after on Twitter the Prime Minister admitted, “I actually miss-spoke earlier, I haven’t got a fucking clue what I’m doing.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!