Monday 28 September 2020

Pub hires all regulars on zero-hours contracts so it can provide them with out of hours ‘canteen services’


Red Lion canteen

A Basingstoke pub has today hired all of its regulars on zero-hours contracts so that it can continue to provide them with ‘canteen services’ after 10pm, much like the bars in the Houses of Parliament.

The Red Lion had been struggling with the new 10 pm curfew, and the effect on takings and the morale of its customer base, wondering if it could even survive the next six months if the restrictions continue as long as predicted.

However, landlord Simon Williams has found himself a loophole, and will now stay open long into the night serving refreshments to his loyal customers who also happen to be zero-hours workers doing zero-hours work.

He told us, “I got the idea after reading in the paper that MPs can go for a beer any time they like, well after 10pm, despite the rest of us having to lock our doors not a minute later than 10.

“What made them different? Is it that they mostly see themselves as above the people they represent? Or is it that they’ve designated their own bars as canteens that need to stay open for the refreshment of the hard-working MPs that rule over us?  Well, fortunately, it’s the latter.

“So I merely designated the Red Lion as a provider of canteen services and hired everyone who comes here as a zero-hours worker.  It was surprisingly easy, it’s almost like the government is keen for businesses to hire zero-hours workers to get them off the unemployment figures.

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best-selling T-shirt here!

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