Surrey to introduce new permit scheme to avoid queues at Kent border

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Surrey has announced plans to introduce a permit scheme for lorry drivers wishing to cross into Kent, to avoid the predicted tailbacks caused by lorries trying to cross the recently announced Kent border.

A Surrey County Council spokesperson told us, “We understand the need for some sort of border in Kent, as they seek to avoid miles of queues outside Dover by ensuring everyone has the correct paperwork before they even get into the county.

“But all this does is shift the problem onto our doorstep.  Any driver without the correct paperwork will be stuck in our county, and this simply won’t do.  We can’t have miles-long tailbacks simply shifted from Dover to Surrey.

“So, today we are announcing a new permit scheme for all lorries wishing to pass through Surrey on their way to Kent.

“The paperwork will be simple and straightforward and will ensure the roads of our country remain congestion-free in post-Brexit Britain.

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“Any drivers who do not have the correct paperwork will be refused entry, to ensure there are no queues at the Surrey-Kent border.”

The news has been welcomed by residents of Surrey, but has quickly led to copycat schemes in bordering counties.

A Berkshire counsellor told us, “Wait, what? They’re going to push the queues into our backyard. Oh no they’re bloody not!

“Consider this the start of the Berkshire-Surrey Border Permit Scheme, in which any lorry wishing to drive through Berkshire in order to access Surrey in order to get to Kent will have to have a permit, so we can avoid queues on our side of the Berkshire-Surrey border.”

The authorities in Oxfordshire are said to be watching developments closely.

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