Thursday 24 September 2020 by Davywavy

Surge in cases of Nurgle’s plagues blamed on Space Marines not wearing their masks


Space marines refusing to wear masks

The Emperor’s Space Marines are being criticised today after it emerged they routinely fail to wear their helmets even when battling the forces of Nurgle, risking the lives of imperial citizenry with airborne infection.

Members of the Adeptus Astartes often claim that as genetically engineered super-soldiers they’re probably not going to catch the plagues of Nurgle anyway, but avoid any mention that ordinary mortals may not possess their superhuman resilience.

“It’s on page one of the Codex Astartes,” said Apothecary Simon Guillimans. “In capital letters. THOU SHALT WEAR THY DAMN MASK.

“But noooo, got to look cool shouting whilst firing your bolter at some plague zombies, haven’t you?

“You wouldn’t believe the excuses I hear – I’ve got a medical condition, I’ve got a defective Betchers Gland, breath masks are uncomfortable, helmets don’t work. Well, obviously they won’t if you’re shot in the head because clearly there’s nothing in there of any value.”

However, some support the Space Marines not wearing face coverings, with Fulgrim of the Emperor’s Children insisting that herd immunity is the only way to successfully address the threat posed by the ruinous powers – and anyway, if he wore a helmet nobody would be able to see how pretty he is.

To guard against infection, citizens of the Imperium have been ordered not to leave their domiciles except for their scheduled shifts at the manufactoria and so are unlikely to notice any difference.

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