Tuesday 22 September 2020 by Dan Sweryt

Governments resets their ‘Days Without a Scandal’ counter back to zero. Again.


Tories 'days since last scandal' counter reset to zero

The Conservative Party HQ has been forced to change their ‘Number of consecutive days without a scandal’ counter back to zero. Once again.

This time finding that one of their donors was – ahem – ‘unbeknownst to them’, forwarding them millions of pounds from the Russian ‘government’, the Tories yet again find themselves banging on about sticking to rules whilst breaking all of them.

Tory HQer, Simon Williams, said, “This is a shame as we’d just about reached a record high before we had to change it, being as it’s almost been three whole days since political Frank Spencer, Chris ‘No Ferries’ Grayling, got himself a £100k, seven-hour-a-week job with a major port.

“As usual, now we’ve changed the counter back to zero, we might as well shout out all the other scandals that are not public knowledge yet, so at least we can stay on zero for a couple of weeks again.

“After that, who knows? I expect we’ll break the all-time record and maybe get to five!

“Obviously, in true Conservative Party fashion, Dominic Cummings has just suggested we change the rules in our favour and maybe just change to the title of the counter to ‘Number of consecutive days with a scandal’, which makes a lot of sense to our collective mindset. It would be nice to see it regularly get into double figures.

“Though that in itself would probably count as a scandal, but it wouldn’t matter if we had renamed it.”

A Cabinet of Arsholes – get the best selling T-shirt here!

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