Tuesday 22 September 2020

Couple coincidentally getting married during 140-person grouse shoot


Wedding grouse hunt

As the government announced that weddings must be limited to 15-people as part of a new round of coronavirus restrictions, many couples are updating their invites to say ‘Grouse shoot that may or may not include a wedding ceremony’.

Boris Johnson announced to parliament that weddings will be limited to 15 people, but government officials insisted that grouse shoots still appear to remain unrestricted, much to the delight of couples getting married in the next few weeks and months.

Simon Williams and his fiance Sharon have already told their guests to dress in tweed and to bring a shotgun, if they have one.

“We are not rule-breakers in this family, and as such we will adhere to the restrictions placed upon us,” Williams told us.

“But if there happens to be a bit of cake cutting and dancing while we look for those pesky grouse, then so be it.

“I’ve always felt grouse shooting needs a bit of an update, and I think a DJ playing plenty of hits from the nineties is probably a good way to do it.

“I’m happy to admit I’m not that upset that the best man’s speech is likely to be interrupted by the odd bout of gunfire, mainly because I’m pretty sure he’s going to mention that incident with the bottle and the poledancer last time we visited Prague.”

Meanwhile, local police have admitted they they are powerless to act, given Williams has found a foolproof loophole in the new regulations.

A police spokesperson told us, “We can stop weddings that are too big, but we can’t stop a grouse hunt.

“They can enjoy their first dance surrounded by a hundred of their closest family and friends, as long as at least one them is trying to kill an animal while they do it.”

This is not an illegl gather, it’s a well-disguised grouse hunt – get the T-shirt HERE!

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