Monday 21 September 2020 by Lucas Wilde

‘We’ll let you off, but this is the 308th and last time’ banks told


Bankers to get slap on the wrist again

Banks and financial institutions which filtered money from criminal activity and ponzi schemes are to be given their 308th slap on the wrist.

Following an enormous leak of financial documents revealing the nefarious activities of many major banks – an incident known as the FinCEN leak – some naïve members of the public were and are expecting a full-scale investigation leading to the arrest and eventual imprisonment of the CEOs of said banks.

“Oh, heavens no,” laughed government spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“We can’t arrest any of these people. They’re RICH. Plus they know an awful lot about our own financial affairs, so best to leave well alone. I’m sure the public understands.

“Don’t worry though, we’ll send them a jolly stern letter.”

Banker, Hayley Rice, said, “oh, phew, what a relief.

“I was REALLY EXPECTING to go to prison. ME. A BANKER. You know, those people who traditionally never, EVER go to prison when shit like this happens.

“Thank God. I shall sleep at night now, on a big pile of money.”

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