Monday 21 September 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Government moves quickly to do absolutely nothing about banks implicated in criminality by FinCEN papers

The Government has pledged to move quickly to do nothing about the banks implicated in criminal wrongdoing in the FinCEN leaks.

Four years ago, there was widespread criticism of the Government for taking weeks and even months to do nothing about those implicated in the Panama Papers leak. They seem determined not to make the same mistake this time.

“We are aware of the FinCEN leak, and I have a team working through the papers now,” explained Home Secretary and complete fucking bastard Priti Patel.

“I am confident that by the end of the day, we will be in a position to do absolutely nothing about any evidence of wrongdoing that has been revealed.”

Already, the leak has revealed that HSBC allowed fraudsters to move money around the world and that a top Tory donor received funds from an ally of Vladimir Putin through Deutsche Bank.

“We are aware of both of these cases,” continued Mrs Patel.

“I can confirm that we will be taking no action over either of them, and I commend my team for working so quickly to allow us to make swift decisions over these very important matters.”

Thanks to the quick work of Mrs Patel and her team, it is expected that Government won’t find itself distracted by the FinCEN papers and will be able to return quickly to the more pressing business about doing nothing about either the pandemic or the impending no-deal Brexit.

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best selling T-shirt here!

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