Monday 21 September 2020 by Lucas Wilde

FinCEN documents implicate Father Ted in embezzlement scandal


Father Ted in FinCen scandal

Father Ted is in hot water this afternoon.

The Craggy Island priest and part-time Elvis impersonator has been implicated in an embezzlement scandal following the FinCEN documents leak.

The documents suggest that money intended for a child’s pilgrimage to Lourdes somehow ended up in Father Ted’s bank account. Receipts following the deposit of funds show that the money was used by Ted for a trip to Las Vegas for himself.

“That money was just resting in my account!” sputtered Father Ted this morning.

“I’ve never been to Vegas, I don’t even know what I’d do in Las Vegas, I’m a priest, I’m not Rod Stewart or Cliff Richard or any of those other rockstar, mischief-making lads.”

Father Dougal McGuire, a colleague, interrupted “Really Ted? Because the other day you were saying how grand Vegas is, with the lights and the fountains and the blackjack tables and the Elton John concerts and-”

“SHUT UP DOUGAL!” said a flustered Ted.

Mrs Doyle, the priests’ housekeeper, said, “Ah ya know, I’ve never understood the appeal of Vegas. All the flashing lights and the debauchery. That’s for those horrible bachelor parties you see in the films. And whores.

“Now then, enough about that awful FinCEN business. Wontcha have a cup of tea? Ah go on. Go on. Don’t be silly now, go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on…”

“FECK OFF” suggested one Father Jack.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: