Friday 18 September 2020 by Alex Webster

Virus that can tell the difference between colleagues and friends continues to baffle scientists


scientists baffled

A virus that can somehow discriminate between business and social interactions continues to mystify the brightest minds in the scientific community.

Professor of Microbiology Simon Williams spoke at a conference in Zurich this week, commenting, “COVID 19 is unlike any pathogen we’ve encountered before.

“It’s incredible how it will spread like wildfire through people at a family barbecue, but someone who has been forced to work in that pub by an unscrupulous boss somehow remains completely safe. It’s brought into question everything we thought we knew about microbes.”

Another bizarre and puzzling quality is its ability to sense the time of day. Schools and offices remain open yet non-workers on the streets at night pose an infection risk, therefore indicating that the virus goes to sleep during the day.

On the plus side, COVID also appears to be geographically aware. Effective local lockdowns have proven that the virus is unable to cross parish boundaries created in the middle ages during the reign of Edward III.

In summary, the behaviour of this pathogen is highly confusing to everybody and is likely to change on an almost weekly basis.

This is not an illegal gathering, it’s a well-disguised grouse hunt – get the T-shirt here!

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