Friday 18 September 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Potential Halloween lockdown could see local yobs forced to egg their own houses


Trick or treaters to egg own house

The tosspots down the road may have nobody to play their pranks on this Halloween but themselves.

Following reports of a potential two-week lockdown in October, local “characters” may not have the chance to go out at Halloween to throw eggs at people’s doors for “bantz” (you sure “bantz” is still a thing? – Ed).

“Aw no,” said a crestfallen Jake Williams, 15, who had just been Googling the best prices for 42 eggs.

“How else am I going to show the gang how funny and creative I am?” (ok “gang” definitely isn’t something young people or ANY people say anymore – Ed)

“I’m going to have to egg my own house. My parents will hate it but at least it’s SOMETHING, and my parents hate me anyway, for some reason.”

Jakes dad, Simon, told us, “We hate him because he thinks egging our house is a viable option during a potential lockdown.

“We don’t care about him egging other people’s houses; boys will be boys and all that.

“But we’ve just had the decking done in the back garden. I don’t want to clean that up on November 1st, and the ship has long since sailed on the idea that we could possibly get Jake to clean up his own mess.

“…we’re actually terrible parents, now that I think about it. Which prefer not to, obviously.”

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