Friday 18 September 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Boris Johnson’s Animal Crossing island now just a wasteland covered in dogshit


Boris Johnson Animal Crossing nintendo

A Tory party insider has revealed that Prime Minister Boris fucking Johnson’s Animal Crossing island is just a blasted wasteland covered in dogshit.

An excited Johnson received Animal Crossing: New Horizons in March as a present from his Dad. He immediately declared that his Animal Crossing island would be the best Animal Crossing island in the world.

However, it was not to be.

“Two other animals moved onto the island at the same time as Boris – an anteater called Antonio and a giraffe called Simon Williams,” said the insider.

“They moved straight out again about twenty minutes later. It’s not easy sharing an island with Boris.”

Island administrator Tom Nook lasted a day.

“I was in the room at that time,” continued the aide, “you could clearly Nook saying ‘that twat has fucked my island,’ as he left. It seems odd that Nintendo would program that sort of dialogue into a family game, but I guess they anticipated that someone like Boris would play it.”

Johnson then spent the next few months telling all animals who wanted to visit his island to ‘fuck off.’

Unfortunately, that meant that he had no time to tend to his island which deteriorated into a barren wasteland. When he realised quite how bad things had become, he tried to attract animals back to his island but naturally, they had no interest.

“The only thing he could do is go to a couple of the bigger islands in the region, and offer to give them anything they wanted. One took up his offer and now uses Johnson’s island as a toilet for his dogs,” said the aide.

“It’s a really horrible, horrible place.”

It is understood that Johnson is now bored of Animal Crossing and has given up on it and left it to someone else to sort out the mess he left his island in.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him! – get the T-shirt HERE!

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