Tuesday 15 September 2020 by Pete Redfern

Kent purchased by NCP


NCP Car parks to buy Kent

The southern county of Kent has been purchased by National Car Parks ahead of the UK leaving the single market and customs union on January 1st 2021.

Following warnings today from a ‘reasonable worst-case scenario’ drawn up by the Border and Protocol Delivery Group that there could be tailbacks 7,000 lorries in length along the Kent motorways, the UK’s leading car park operator has seized the opportunity to snatch up some prime land for development.

NCP spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “From January it’s pretty clear that Kent will become one giant car park, and it would be a crying shame for a business not to make some money from all the cars and lorries that are going to be stationary on it.

“We appreciate that drivers may not be choosing to use the car park per se, so we will have very reasonable rates; two pounds fifty per twenty minutes, or twenty quid for four hours, which is exceptionally good value for money when you think about it.”

He added, “It’s a shame that the garden of England has to become the car park of England, but the residents of Kent who voted for Brexit can’t expect to have sunlit uplands without a few downsides.”

HGV driver Christopher James responded, “I don’t mind paying, it’s just the waiting that will be hard.

“I’ve got a surprisingly small bladder for a man of my size, so needing the loo will be an issue.

“I guess I could always drive to Nigel Farage’s place in West Kent and piss in his garden, as he started all this in the first place.”

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