Tuesday 15 September 2020 by Arabin Patson

Ghosts of former Prime Ministers confirm that they too think Boris Johnson is a complete plank


Boris visited by ghosts of PMs past

As all living former PMs united in condemning Boris Johnson’s trashing of Britain’s reputation, the tormented spectres of dead Prime Ministers have begun to haunt Westminster just to impress that they all agreed he was a blundering fuckwit.

The first reports of political hauntings by deceased PMs came on Sunday evening when a police officer saw the ethereal figure of Pitt the Younger pointing at Downing Street and making the wanker gesture.

Additionally, several civil servants swore they saw Margaret Thatcher appear behind them in the mirror to whisper mournfully about abiding by one’s word before vanishing and leaving nothing but a faint scent of lavender and hatred for the poor.

Perhaps worst of all was the condemnation beyond the grave of Boris Johnson’s of his idol Winston Churchill, who appeared in the House of Commons bar as a green ball of slime with arms that scoffed all the brandy.

It wailed, “Is that idiot trying to be like me? I was a staunch believer in unity between the free nations of the world and hoped for the global rule of international law.

“All he does is mock me with some shitty impersonation. I fought in three wars and he thinks he’s a crisis leader because he came through a few infidelity scandals?

“I was obsessed with the greatness of Britain and he makes us look like the kind of nation I used to advocate using gas on. He is such an arsehole that his mismanagement of the nation managed to wrench my soul out of Hell.

“Don’t look so shocked. After the Bengal Famine, where did you think I was going to end up?”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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