Monday 14 September 2020 by Spacey

Potential life on Venus already eyeing up ‘soft-touch’ UK benefits system, warns Nigel Farage


Nigel Farage soft-touch UK benefits system

Following the discovery of phosphine gas in the atmosphere of Venus, which could indicate life on the planet, Nigel Farage has warned that alien civilisations could already be planning to take advantage of Britain’s “soft-touch” benefits system.

Highlighting data from a graph he discovered on the Internet, Brexit Party leader and independent journalist specialising in dinghies, Mr Farage warned that extraterrestrial intruders will stop at nothing in their quest for state handouts at your expense.

“I’ve seen compelling evidence from an impeccable source that aliens will almost certainly take on the identity of the indigenous population by sucking out their brains and replicating their DNA,” he said.

“Aliens in human form will put enormous pressure on our already struggling public services.

“Why aren’t the mainstream media reporting this?”

This week’s UKIP leader, Neil Hamilton, insisted the possibility of 20ft Muslimatron Qur’androids attacking Earth in giant space mosques is something the ‘establishment’ are trying to cover up.

“Nigel is absolutely right to point out the obvious dangers associated with things he doesn’t understand,” he told reporters who had drawn the short straw and been asked to approach him for comment.

“I know from former UKIP leader Paul Nuttal and his time inside the colonial marine unit on the exomoon LV-426 that aliens have no respect for our British values.

“No doubt the EU will welcome these alien parasites with open arms and then make nothing more than a quick hop across the channel to take advantage of us Brits.

“We should all blame Brussels!”

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