Monday 14 September 2020 by Pete Redfern

Brexiters weirdly terrible at Brexit


Boris terrible at Brexit

Those in charge of delivering the very thing they said they wanted and were perfectly capable of delivering, have been found to not know what they want nor be capable of delivering it.

Boris Johnson, who headed the Vote Leave campaign to narrow victory and then manoeuvred himself into the highest office in the land to put himself in a better position to ‘Get Brexit Done’ is one such example.

Having entered Downing Street on a leadership pledge to get Britain out of the European Union by October 31st 2019 at the latest, he now finds himself poised to break international law to change the withdrawal agreement that only last year he kicked MPs out of his party for not supporting.

“It’s a bit of a strange one,” conceded political commentator Christopher James.

“We’ve heard endlessly speeches from Boris about how Brexit will be a massive success and that he’s the man to deliver it, but all he’s managed to produce since entering number 10 is a child. Or is Carrie number 11? I’ve lost count.

“He couldn’t have done a worse job of negotiating an ‘oven-ready’ trade deal with the EU if he’d strolled in on the first day, pulled his cock out, whistled Land of Hope and Glory and had a shit on the table.”

He added wistfully, “I sort of miss Theresa May, which I never thought I’d hear myself saying.

“She was hopeless, but she gave the impression she was at least trying.”

Brexit voter Simon Williams told us, “Nah, Boris is the man for the job. And if he can’t do it, Nigel Farage can.

“They’re both legends, mate – they’ve given the establishment a good shake up and a kicking; they should be knighted.”

Nigel Farage, like Boris Johnson, promised sunlit uplands post-Brexit, but is currently spending his days filming migrants landing on Kent beaches while angrily masturbating.

The definitive Brexit Venn Diagram – get the T-shirt here!

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: