Friday 11 September 2020 by Mark Molloy

Merseyside now added to COVID watch list, with Birmingham, and Bolton, and Newcastle, and… oh f*ck it everywhere


Liverpool Covid watchlist

The government has added the whole of Merseyside to the COVID watch list today due to a rise in infection rates, along with Birmingham, and Bolton, and Newcastle, and Leicester, and Manche….oh fuck it everywhere in the pissing country, it is revealed.

As infections continue to rise across the UK, more and more towns and cities are coming under increased scrutiny from the government causing the current targeted COVID watch list to now actually include more places in the UK than are not on the list.

A spokesman for the government confirmed earlier today “We have now added Merseyside to the watch list, I think. I’m pretty sure we have – it’s quite tricky to keep up.

“But if they have been added then we will be watching them very closely indeed, along with the whole of Greater Manchester, and Bolton, and Leicester, and Birmingham, and Lanarkshire, and Kings Lynn and Norfolk and fucking everywhere basically, so they better bloody behave.

“We want to ensure through our specific and targeted COVID watch list that we can concentrate on this virus on a local level to stop specific spikes from emerging in particular areas of the country.”

Asked how many specific towns and cities they are currently focussing their efforts on we were told, “Four hundred and twenty-three, not including Wales which is on the watch list as a whole.”

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