Friday 11 September 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Boris Johnson proposes ‘moonshot’ plan to defeat Covid using Jedi space magic


Boris Johnson on Project Moonshot

Prime Minister Boris fucking Johnson has proposed a bold new ‘moonshot’ initiative to eliminate coronavirus using Jedi space magic.

Johnson gave a speech on Wednesday positing that Britain could get back to normal ‘in a matter of months’ if we employed Jedi wizards from the planet Vulcan to use their special space magic to send all traces of the virus into a black hole.

“Jedi space wizards, my friends, Jedi space wizards will get this great country of ours back on track,” said Johnson, possibly after drinking heavily.

However, some scientists have been quick to pour water cold water on Johnson’s plans.

“There is no such thing as ‘space magic’, Jedis are from Star Wars and technically they’re not even actually wizards at all,” explained Simon Williams, Professor of the real world at Oxford University.

“Just hoping that some science fiction you’ve made up in your head will magically come true is really not a viable strategy for defeating a pandemic, at least not to adults.”

However, Johnson was bullish in his response.

“Ignore the doomsters and gloomsters who talk down Great British space magic,” he told the public.

“If we all get together and support the Jedi wizards, then I am confident that we’ll be back to normal by bonfire night.”

It is expected that the Conservatives will try to distract the public from Johnson’s latest mad old nonsense about Covid by having him make a new speech full of mad old nonsense about Brexit later today.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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