Party of law and order only willing to break the law in ‘very specific and limited way’

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The Conservative government – which prides itself on being ‘the party of law and order’ – has confirmed today that it is only willing to break the law in a ‘very specific and limited way’.

As Northern Irish secretary Brandon Lewis told parliament that the government was considering breaking international law regarding the EU withdrawal agreement, he insisted it didn’t matter as any law-breaking would be done in a very specific and limited way.

A government spokesperson told reporters, “As the party of law and order I would like to reiterate that it is absolutely imperative that everyone obeys the laws that they are subject to, especially those we have put in place.

“However, if we feel from time to time that the laws that we are subject to can be broken, in ways that we feel are beneficial to us, then we retain the right to do so.

“No, you can not do that, and no I don’t have a good reason why not.  Think of this as one of those times where you have to do as we say, not as we do.”

It is believed that Dominic Cummings is currently working with marketing experts on a rebrand of the party, that will see repositioned as ‘the party of laws we care about’.

As one Downing Stree insider told us, “Dominic keeps repeating, ‘all laws are equally valid, but some are more valid than others.

“We’ve no idea where he got the idea, but it’s quite catchy.”

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