Saturday 5 September 2020

Brexiter having public meltdown over inconvenience of a late newspaper confident he will cope perfectly with ‘No Deal Brexit’


Man had to wait for newspaper

A Brexiter who has spent three hours this morning furiously telling people how awful it was to have to an extra couple of hours for his copy of the Telegraph is confident the inconvenience of a no-deal Brexit is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Simon Williams, a retired accountant and a staunch believer in Brexit insisted that having to wait nearly three hours for his copy of today’s paper due to a protest by Extinction Rebellion at the printing facility is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone in this country.

He told us, “What is this country coming to when you have to wait until lunchtime – lunchtime! – before you can read the Telegraph on a Saturday.  It’ll be full-on anarchy next.

“It’s just so inconvenient.  I mean, yes, everything in the paper is also available on the Internet, but that’s not the point. I like having the paper delivered and loading a webpage is a major inconvenience.

“I could have chosen to laugh it off, to point out how I used the extra couple of hours I waited for the newspaper to do something productive, and therefore denied these climate protestors any sort of ‘victory’. But it’s much more important I throw my toys out of the pram to show them they’ve won.”

However, Williams is also of the opinion that any inconvenience caused by disruption to transport, food supply chains or medical supplies cause by a no-deal Brexit will be easy to deal with, because of the ‘Blitz spirit’.

He went on, “If we can cope with Johnny Foreigner dropping bombs on us, then we can cope with a few supply issues and a few empty shelves. With the great stiff upper lip we can handle anything.

“Obviously I’ve not experienced either of those things, because I was born ten years after the war ended and almost my entire working life has been spent inside the EU, but I know I’ll be able to cope because of how well I’m dealing with the minor inconvenience of having to read the news on the Internet for a single morning.

“Checkmate liberals!”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the T-shirt here!

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