Friday 28 August 2020 by Dan Sweryt

Employees encouraged to cram back into offices so Starbucks can carry on avoiding tax


starbucks

Britain’s workers are being encouraged to go back to their offices so that overpriced coffee granule-wetter Starbucks can carry on generating profits upon which they subsequently avoid tax.

Caffeine addict, chronic asthmatic and IT support engineer, Simon Williams, who literally remotes into computers regardless of where he works, said, “I have no qualms about risking my health and possibly life in order for a global conglomerate to continue in their goal of not paying any UK tax.

“This country is all about making as much as possible, and it’s our duty, as law-abiding, tax-paying citizens, to help foreign companies fund their shareholders and senior executives whilst simultaneously paying minimum wage.

“It’s the American Dream!

“I for one cannot wait to spend two minutes popping into the nearest branch.

“Obviously it’s not two minutes as I’ll have to queue outside for half an hour 2m apart until I’m allowed in, then another 10 minutes trying to make myself understood through a mask before another 15 minutes waiting for a coffee that was on the counter all along but I couldn’t understand THEM through a mask, before spending another 15 minutes wiping hot coffee off my shirt after forgetting I was WEARING a mask.

“Yes, can’t wait.”

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