Friday 28 August 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump announces second-term policy to gather all six Infinity Stones

Trump's plan for the infinity stones

Donald Trump has used his keynote speech at the Republican convention to reveal that his major second-term policy will be the gathering of all of the six Infinity Stones.

“I tell you folks, with the Infinity Stones we can do great things. Really great things. Possibly the greatest things ever,” said Mr Trump as he was flanked on the South Lawn of the White House by Ebony Maw and Corvus Glaive.

“Now, the do-nothing Democrats, they don’t want me to have the Infinity Stones. They don’t want America to have the Infinity Stones, they just want them left around the galaxy for, you know, violent Antifa anarchist terrorists to just pick up and then come and use them to take over America.

“That’s what the socialist left wants. It is. It really is. Antifa anarchist terrorists, with the Infinity Stones, just taking over America and destroying its greatness.”

Mr Trump then introduced the crack team who would track down the stones on his behalf – Mike Pence, the couple who pointed guns at Black Lives Matter protestors, and Kid Rock.

In a final flourish, the Infinity Gauntlet was wheeled on stage to cheers from the assembled Republicans.

“Once I have the stones installed in the gauntlet,” said a triumphant Mr Trump.

“I will be able to truly make American great again.”

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