Friday 21 August 2020 by Arabin Patson

Head teachers appeal high GCSE grades to better prepare students for getting fucked over by older people


head teachers

Students with outstanding GCSE grades are set to learn a valuable lesson about how people a decade away from retirement will take a wrecking ball to their future for no better reason than some vague hunch exams are being ‘devalued’.

In Croydon West Comprehensive, Head Teacher Simone Williams confirmed that after a long battle trying to secure a bump in the grades of her A level students, she was going to make sure their younger peers also get to experience the random dashing of their hopes.

“I can confirm I will appeal the grades of our most successful students as I fear they might go out into the world thinking adults are kind-hearted and will help them move on in life, just like their parents did back in the sixties and seventies.

“The world has changed and we know that the generation in power will happily condemn kids to a life of unrewarding drudgery just because the appearance of youth reminds them of how close they are to death.”

Mrs Williams denied her actions were just as harmful as the government’s devaluation of A-levels.

“Not really. GCSEs are more or less pointless and are only there so that the Daily Mail can get creepshots of teenage girls celebrating their results. I know there will always be some annoying fossil claiming he did fine in life after leaving school at 14, but in the modern world, GCSE’s are not enough for even the most menial jobs.

“Christ, even the police ask for A-levels today and that has always been the dumping ground of last resort for the dumb shits who only went to school to work on their bullying.”

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