Thursday 20 August 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Pro-COVID activists step up campaign with demands for access to pure, laboratory-grade coronavirus


man angry at not getting access to lab-grade coronavirus

Pro-COVID activists have demanded that they be granted the right to access pure, laboratory-grade coronavirus.

This marks an escalation of their campaign to expose themselves to coronavirus as part of their ‘basic human rights as a free human being’.

The pro-COVID campaign began shortly after the coronavirus first made an appearance in the West and has been dedicated to opposing measures such as face-masks, social distancing, and staying home, all of which were put in place to prevent the spread of Covid-19.

“My granddad didn’t fight in a war so that my Government could deny me my rights to catch coronavirus and die, or to catch it and spread it to someone else who could die,” said pro-COVID campaigner Simon Williams.

“My rights have been disgustingly infringed for months now – having to wear a mask and not being able to stand really close to other people – and as a result, COVID levels have dropped in the country to such a level that I’m now very unlikely to catch it by just going about my everyday life.

“So, me and my fellow campaigners for the freedom to catch coronavirus and die demand the right to access pure, laboratory-grade coronavirus that we can use to infect ourselves and then get sick and die.”

It is understood that the campaigners’ demands are starting to find sympathy outside their own fringe group, with many people now happy to support anything that will kill off the sort of people who think that wearing a facemask is some form of oppression.

Put a mask you on your face, you big disgrace, spreading your germs all over the place – get the T-shirt here!

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