Gavin Williamson’s continued employment can only be explained by some serious dirt on Boris Johnson, according to experts this afternoon.
After making a complete balls-up of the exam results of millions of young people who will, hopefully, remember all this come election time, absolutely everybody expected the objectively incompetent Education Minister to be out on his arse.
“I once got fired from a civil service job for accidentally taking a laptop home,” commented citizen, Simon Williams.
“I like to think I would have have been fired much harder if my actions had caused simultaneous distress to an entire generation of young people, turning them against the government I worked for.
“…Williamson MUST have photos of Boris. I dread to think what they show. I bet he’s a proper deviant. Worse than Cameron. Maybe the pig is ALIVE this time.”
Westminster spokesperson, Hayley Rice, said, “For the record, Gavin Williamson definitely does not have any incriminating photographs of Boris Johnson.
“Off the record, yes of course he does. And they’re revolting. I’ve never seen such wanton use of a croquet mallet before. I hope they at least gave it a wipe afterwards.”