Wednesday 19 August 2020 by Pete Redfern

Bookies slash odds on Loch Ness Monster being sighted before Boris Johnson


Loch Ness or Boris sighting

Bookmakers have today shortened the odds of the Loch Ness Monster being seen in Scotland before Boris Johnson is.

The giant brutish beast, known for evading those pursuing it, has not been seen in ages, and neither has the Loch Ness Monster.

Avid monster hunter Simon McWilliams told us, “This is great news, I’ve been hunting Nessie for thirty years, and have only caught a glimpse of it twice, which is twice as many times as Boris has answered a direct question on Sky News.

“So to hear that I’ve got a better chance now than compared to finding an errant Prime Minister, fills me with confidence.

“Perhaps once I’ve found Nessie, then I’ll join the hunt for Boris. There are only a few lap-dancing clubs in the highlands, so I’ll start my search in and around those areas.”

Boris Johnson has not made any comment on the scandal in the education grading system since the story broke, prompting many to suggest that he may have just vanished for good.

“Yes, that would be the ideal scenario,” commented Labour Leader Sir Keir Starmer.

“Although actually, who would replace him as leader? Probably Chris Grayling or Gavin Williamson, the way things are going.

“Shit.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the Boris T-shirt here!

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