Tuesday 18 August 2020 by Arabin Patson

Technological triumph as Democratic Party’s virtual convention just as boring as a live one


democratic convention goes online at its tedious best

The Democratic Party has shown itself a pioneer of COVID-19 politicking by creating an online party convention that Washington insiders all say demonstrated the same humdrum predictability and utter tedium of past events.

Simon Williams, a Democrat and reporter for the LA Times, was one of many who showed surprise that watching party grandee after party grandee make dry uncontroversial speeches on a screen was just as dull as it was ‘live’ in 2016.

He went on, “I’ll give it to the techies. I never imagined I would one day fidget and play Candy Crush while listening to Joe Biden drone on from the comfort of my home. Hats off to all involved!”

Mr Williams also opined that it would be much harder for the Republican Party to recreate their convention’s atmosphere online.

“Democratic conferences are basically a series of speeches about sensible policies or pointing out the obvious like their candidate is better suited to lead the country than Donald Trump.

“But Republican events are the pinnacle of loud brash entertainment. No ideas, no policies and certainly no great vision. Just beautifully choreographed idiocy.

“How can you recreate the hordes of obese cretins chanting hateful nonsense so hard their sweat emulsifies with the bacon fat their fingers are always coated in? What’s an online version of retired dentists from Florida pretending they are the Sons of Anarchy because they put a Confederate flag bandana on their head and have painted gun-toting eagles on their ludicrously expensive Harleys?

“I mean, anyone who has been to a GOP event is marked forever by the unique smell of fear, Walmart deodorant and diabetic urine.

“You can only get that in real life.”

Always vote for the side with the fewest arseholes – get the T-shirt!

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