Tuesday 18 August 2020 by Pete Redfern

Look at what we were predicted to do in government instead of what we’ve actually done, pleads Boris


Boris Johnson predicted results of his government

In the wake of their U-turn to allow students’ to be assessed solely on their predicted results, the government has today issued a plea for the same rules to be applied to themselves.

In a rare appearance in front of the media, Boris Johnson outlined his proposal, saying, “Cast your minds back, if you will, to the heady days of December last year, when I romped home to victory in the general election.

“I totally stormed it. Brexit was just around the corner, I had a thumping great majority, and all the tabloids that we controlling said that 2020 was going to be a marvellous year for this nation.”

He went on, “They predicted a prosperous reign and a new dawn for the UK, with no scandals on the horizon and no mention of thousands of avoidable deaths at all. So let’s, er, just look at those predicted results, eh?

“If it’s good enough for the students to be judged solely on prediction, then it’s good enough for us, I’d say. Thank you all.”

Daily Mail journalist Simon Williams told us, “Being completely supine, this is precisely the kind of thing we’d normally go along with and insist our readers applaud.

“But this is getting a bit ridiculous now, even for us. Maybe it is time for a change in leadership?

“We would still prefer an old Etonian who is just to the political left of Mussolini, of course; just not Boris.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the best-selling T-shirt here!

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