Skateboarder jubilant after two years of effort culminates in unimpressive 10-inch jump

author avatar by 3 years ago

Another rider has entered the hall of fame of people who spent countless hours shattering their joints to achieve yet another boredom-inspiring stunt like sliding along the top of a park bench or getting his board over a very low bollard.

At a skatepark in Bristol, legend Simon Williams was basking in the glory of being only one of 25,000 people who can get a wooden plank with wheels to jump slightly higher than an overweight pet rabbit could.

He told his peers about the years of practice needed to perform something that casual observers think is less interesting than someone doing a handstand.

He explained, “It’s all a question of focus. You have to visualise yourself getting your board airborne at the same height as your 4-year-old sister can muster with both feet together. Then you just have to keep repeating that tiny little jump, again and again, to gain those extra millimetres in height.

“You just have to ignore the pain and the fact that your mate who took up rollerblading will be able to leap over cars and zoom up walls by the time you can jump over a coke can. If you keep at it, and ignore the twisted ankles you too can get other boarders to clap your amazing, if underwhelming, feat while onlookers wonder why you don’t do something cool like BMX.”

Young Simon said that his greatest dream was to compete at the X-games and use a huge ramp to become airborne at a height of less than two meters, while the people with roller skates or bicycles are doing aerial somersaults over firework-shooting buses.

“That’s why I wear a helmet. A foot is a long way to fall, my friend.”