First people to receive Russian Coronavirus vaccine now able to run 100m in under ten seconds

author avatar by 3 years ago

A group of Russians who were part of a trial of Putin’s much-heralded Coronavirus vaccine are starting to experience some side effects, it has emerged.

After announcing last week that Russia had developed a working vaccine for Covid-19, Vladimir Putin was quick to give the inoculation to a random selection of the population to check it worked properly.

One lady who received the vaccine, sixty-year-old Elena Gayanova, told us “If the last twenty years has taught us anything, it’s that Putin is completely trustworthy and had our best interests at heart.

“So I leapt at the chance to be part of the trial. Nowhere near as far or as fast as I can leap, now, mind you!”

She went on, “Yesterday I went to the catch the bus, but it was pulling into the stop while I was still a couple of hundred metres away. I started running to see if I could catch it, and not only did I get to the bus stop before it left, I overtook it, beat it into town and set off three speed cameras.”

Another participant, seventy-five year old Simon Williamanov, told us of his experience with the vaccine.

“I’ve never felt fitter,” he beamed, “and I feel like I have the strength of ten men.

“And if not exactly that, to at least be able to set a few track and field Olympic records.”

Vladimir Putin told journalists, “This vaccine is a complete success. After all, it was designed to work by giving those who receive it strength to literally outrun the virus, and it seems to be working fine.”