Sunday 9 August 2020 by Pete Redfern

Britain First launch English Channel patrol boat ‘HMS Diffendor Of Are Cuntry’

HMS Diffendor of arse cuntry Britain First boat

In a bid to tackle the unstoppable flow of immigrants on tiny inflatable dinghies into the country, Britain First have taken matters into their own hands by taking to the high seas themselves.

The so-called ‘invasion’ of migrants has been documented daily by Nigel Farage, who in the absence of having any friends has taken it upon himself to film dinghies sometimes carrying up to four or five terrified asylum seekers landing on England’s beaches.

“We are being invaded, so we wanted to do something about it to let these illegals know they’re not welcome here,” explained Britain First member, football hooligan and captain of the vessel, Bigsteve7369922.

“We officially named and launched the vessel yesterday morning by smashing a can of lager across the bow, and when we’re not patrolling the channel you’ll find us patriotically moored up as near as we can get to the Wetherspoons in Ramsgate.”

He continued, “I’ve got a tough crew of hardened sailors who are going to scare these illegals into retreating.

“Barry, my second in command has even brought his own BB gun. And we’ve got a flag that reads “Your not welcum hear until you can speek Inglish!1!”, which I think sends a clear message to anyone trying to get to our shores.

“We can’t wait to fight off the Muslims from our own boat – it’ll be just like Dunkirk.”

Coastguard spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “We’re just ignoring them for now. ‘HMS’? More like ‘smh’, I’d have said.

“Though we’ve got a kitty going on how long it’ll be before they need rescuing.  I’ve got Wednesday.”

The definitive Brexit Venn Diagram – get it here!

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