Man celebrates winning an argument against wife with victorious night on sofa

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A local man is planning a victorious night on the sofa after roundly defeating his wife in an argument about chores.

Simon Williams, 35, decided it was right to take a stand after his wife, Sharon, criticised him for not putting the bin out before the lid no longer closed.

“She’s advocating an inefficient system,” he explained.

“Emptying the bin before it’s completely full is a waste of effort, and ultimately, resources. In the time of climate change it’s important we all work together to maximise the use of what we have, and that includes bin bags. And so that’s what I explained to her when she complained about me not putting the bin out.

“But apparently I’m just a lazy gobshite who would rather bullshit his way out of a chore than simply do it when it needs doing.

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“I thought that was unfair so I asked her why she hates the planet so much, and why didn’t she just go ahead and chop down a load of trees and be done with it.

“I think it’s fair to say that it kind of escalated from that point.”

Williams went on to explain that although the argument took a number of unexpected turns, which included references to his in-laws and the holiday they took three years ago, he was definitely the winner by the time they both lost their voice.

He added, “Yes, to everyone outside looking in, it might appear that me being here trying to get into a comfortable sleeping position on the sofa constitutes an emphatic defeat – but let me assure you, I most definitely won the argument.

“Yes I voted Labour, why do you ask?”

I don’t argue, I just loudly explain why I’m right – get the T-shirt!