Wednesday 5 August 2020 by Michael Hughes

Edinburgh residents enjoying twat-free August


Edinburgh entirely twat-free in August

There is a different atmosphere in the Scottish capital this August as the cancelled Edinburgh Festival leaves large parts of the city distinctly twat-free.

The cancellation of the world’s largest arts festival has spared Edinburgh locals the misery of dealing with tiresome drama school brats and deluded stand up comedians.

The streets are without the hustle and bustle of thousands of tourists mulling over which pretentious wank-fest to waste their cash on.

Venues stand silent and empty this year; normally they would be echoing with the noise of an audience of anything between one to three people half-heartedly applauding a tedious one-man play.

Locals are free to walk up the Royal Mile without being plagued by desperate ‘artists’ trying to drag them into their show that starts at 5.45am in the basement of an abandoned woolen mill.

Furthermore, some locals have commented on how refreshing it is to be able to walk to work without finding themselves caught up in the middle of an impromptu rendition of fucking Godspell.

Morningside resident Simone Williams gave her opinion on the what the cancellation of the festival means for her

She told us, “I usually rent my flat out in August so I won’t be gouging posh arty English twats for extortionate rent money, which is a shame.

“However, every time I go into a pub, I’m not subjected to some wannabe stand up comedian’s hour of lazy Pornhub and Tinder gags.

“So swings and roundabouts, really.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: