Baby Wilfred Johnson to be given booster seat in House of Lords

author avatar by 4 years ago

Boris Johnson is to give his three-month-old son a peerage, it has emerged.

Wilfred Johnson was named among thirty-six others to be nominated for a position in the House of Lords, including Theresa May’s husband Philip, a Russian billionaire who has been nice to him, and a cricketer from the eighties called Ian something or other.

“Each of the people on this list has been nominated for a lifetime of service,” explained Boris Johnson to reporters on Friday morning.

“And even if that life has only been three months in length so far, it’s still plenty of time to recognise the incredible support he has shown me as Prime Minister.

“He hasn’t voted against me once since he was born, apart from that time whats-her-name, Carrie, that’s it, asked him who he would like to change his nappy and he looked at me and burst into tears. So Carrie did it again, thank goodness.”

He concluded, “The main purpose of this peerage is to ensure that when we finally agree on a post-Brexit trade deal in 2038, he’ll be old enough to help vote it through the Lords.”

Political analyst Simon Williams observed, “It’s normal for a Prime Minister to nominate close friends for a peerage over those – like former speaker John Bercow – that actually deserve one by convention.

“But this degree of nepotism is quite something – it’s the kind of thing that Kim Jong-un would respect.

“He really is a ‘world-beating’ leader.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!