Friday 31 July 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump warns against electoral influence from faeries and sprites


Trump election postponement

President Trump has warned that interference from faeries and sprites could render the upcoming US election ‘the most fraudulent and inaccurate in history’.

He blamed Joe Biden, the Liberal ‘Fake news’ media, Hilary Clinton, Obama, Antifa, the NFL, the FBI, Hollywood Liberals, Dr Fauci, Adam Schiff, Justin Trudeau, the ACLU, Twitter, Meryl Streep, and the Affordable Healthcare act for what he claimed was the ‘overwhelming’ influence of woodland folk in American politics.

“Sprites and faeries, they’re a problem today, they really are,” said Mr Trump.

“People say ‘Mr President, Sprites and faeries aren’t real.’ But, you know, I know a lot about sprites and faeries. I’m actually one of the most expert people on sprites and faeries and they’re here and they’re interfering in our election and sleepy Joe doesn’t want to do anything about the sprites and faeries because he wants them to use their woodland magics to rig the election so that he wins.

“Sprites and faeries, they want Joe Biden and the radical left to win the election, because they know that Biden will just give them jobs and housing and real Americans will be left saying ‘where are my jobs? Where’s my house?’ – Well, you know, Joe Biden gave them to sprites and faeries.”

Trump then went on to call for the election to be postponed until ‘all Americans can vote without fear of influence from woodland folk’

It is currently the most convincing reason Trump has yet given for postponing the election.

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