Friday 31 July 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Boris shuts eyes and lobs another dart at pandemic options board


Boris' latest lockdown rules selected by hitting dartboard

The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is being as decisive as usual.

Following a topsy-turvy fortnight of pubs reopening, Leicester being locked back down, some pubs closing again, Leicester opening back up, gyms reopening, bowling alleys and theatres staying shut, and finally everywhere north of Norwich going back into lockdown, many are wondering how the Prime Minister has come up with such a mixed bag of ideas.

“RUFF RAHHH!” commented the Prime Minister, stepping up to the ocky, dart in hand.

“It’s quite simple, old chap. You grasp the dart, shut your eyes, fling the dart forward and hope for the best,” he continued, throwing the dart towards a corkboard containing options such as “wash hands for twice as long”, “ban cycling”, “encourage more cycling” and “lock down Kettering”.

“Let’s see… ‘delay the opening of casinos’…well, crikey, that sounds vaguely like a plan I might have had. We’ll add that to the briefing.

“Hopefully those ruddy journalists won’t ask too many questions about the safety of a pub vs the safety of a casino as I have NOTHING tangible for that.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: