Thursday 30 July 2020

No point holding an election I can’t win, confirms Donald Trump


Donald Trump wants to postpone election

Donald Trump has called for the November presidential election to be postponed after the latest economic figures made it almost impossible for him to win.

In a nation where the performance of the economy is always laid at the feet of the incumbent president, the US entering the sharpest recession in decades has all but guaranteed defeat for Donald Trump in November, something he has explained is ‘totally undemocratic’.

Trump told reporters outside the White House, “The economy is showing a clear anti-Trump bias, just like the fake news media, doing so many bad things to make me look bad, and as such we should postpone the election until the numbers better reflect all the very great things we are doing.

“There is no point going to the polls in November if I’m going to lose, that would be a waste of everyone’s time – so let’s just wait until next year when the economy looks better and more people will vote for me. That’s a much more democratic way to handle these things.”

“The do-nothing Democrats have been busy making the economy do terrible things just so I’d look bad, and we must do everything we can to stop them getting away with it.”

GOP strategists have insisted that postponing elections because you don’t think you’ll win is not in any way ‘undemocratic’, claiming instead that it’s much more democratic to let voters make their decision when the economy isn’t so biased against Trump.

Spokesperson Chuck Williams told us, “Everyone knows the Republicans are the ‘party of business’, so it’s massively unfair to ask us to go to the polls when businesses are struggling and the economy is in the toilet.

“How is it democratic to have an election when voters are unlikely to vote for Trump at the ballot box?

“No, let’s wait until the circumstances are much more favourable towards us, and the voters can re-elect him then.”

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