Government confirms there is no need to wear a mask in shops as long as you’re carrying a pint

author avatar by 4 years ago

The government has announced new rules that will require you to wear a face mask in all shops from the 24th July, unless you are carrying a pint and decide to treat the place like a pub.

As retailers across the country prepare for the new rules, drinking establishments that have already discovered drunk people don’t abide by social distancing rules have insisted masks aren’t necessary when the enclosed building you’re in is for sitting and chatting for a few hours, rather than popping in to get a few necessities.

However, shoppers have welcomed the government’s latest loophole which means you don’t have to wear a mask in the shop if you pretend you’re in the pub with your mates.

“Walking around Teso with a pint in your hand isn’t particularly easy,” said shopper Simon Williams.

“It puts an end to all the self-scan-as-you-shop nonsense, but at least I don’t have to wear a mask while I’m pretending to read the nutritional information on the back of a packet of Jaffa Cakes.

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“You get a few funny looks of course, but then you just hold the beer up, say ‘Cheers’, and carry on to the tinned vegetables.

“What can they say? I’m following the rules, because face masks aren’t necessary when you’re in the pub sat drinking with your mates, so of course they’re not needed when I’m stood up drinking on my own while walking round the supermarket.

“Honestly, the only thing that would make the whole thing better is if they could replace the bread counter with a kebab van.”

Put a mask on your face, you big disgrace, spreading your germs all over the place – get the T-shirt!