Britain has issued a critical flying ant warning, whilst most people have apparently downgraded the risk of catching Covid-19 to ‘meh’.
Faced with the prospect of several days of mildly annoying winged insects during warm weather, polling shows a majority of city dwellers now approve of the government implementing the sort of restrictive measures they’d never dream of accepting when the only threat is a virus that only kills about one in a hundred people who get it.
“There’s a real risk of civil society grinding to a halt in the face of this menace unless the government does something,” said ant-victim Simon Williams
“In the time it took me to take my cup of tea into the garden this morning, two of those flying ant thingys had landed in it. Two!
“And when I went to the park with the kids last night for their daily exercise, they were everywhere! Ants! Bloody hundreds of them! With wings!
“They should put the emergency services on high alert and cancel all leave. Something must be done.”
When told that whilst the ant terror was spreading over the land, thousands of potential coronavirus victims were being exposed unnecessarily due people not taking precautions seriously, Britain replied, “Whatever. It’s basically just the flu anyway.”
Upon hearing the news, virologists in the public health area are wondering if the general public might start taking the threat of coronavirus more seriously if ‘someone’ were to leak that Covid-19 can be spread by flying ants.
Put a mask on your face, you big disgrace, spreading your germs all over the place! Get your T-shirt here!