Friday 10 July 2020

Chris Grayling accidentally locks himself in broom cupboard on first day as Chairman of Intelligence Committee


Chris Grayling locked himself in the broom cupboard

Boris Johnson has appointed Chris Grayling as the new Chairman of the Intelligence and Security Committee, who has wasted no time in putting his own unique spin on the role.

Many have criticised the move, insisting that replacing Dominic Grieve with Chris Grayling is like replacing Sir Stephen Hawking with Danny Dyer.

As Grayling excitedly arrived for his first day of meetings to discuss the release of the Russian interference intelligence report, he waved at everyone in the building before walking straight into a storage cupboard marked ‘cleaning supplies’ before slowly realising there was no handle on the inside.

At the time of writing, Grayling was still inside the cupboard and after being alone for ninety minutes was seriously considering eating his briefcase.

A government spokesperson told us, “We were hoping that putting Chris Grayling in charge of the committee who will decide when to release the report into Russian interference in our democracy would conveniently lead to him losing it, or maybe having his dog eat it.

“He has a track record of being very helpful when you need someone to make a really big and costly mistake.

“But disappearing into a disused cupboard for months on end is a close second, I suppose.

“Yes, there is a small risk that by merely reading the Russia report he will somehow accidentally tweet it to the entire planet, but it’s probably a risk worth taking.

“Don’t worry though, it’s only the intelligence and security committee with oversight of our entire intelligence infrastructure. What damage could a man who gave a multi-million-pound shipping contract to a firm with no ships actually do?”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt HERE!

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