Thursday 9 July 2020 by Julian Smith

Government announces new parking meters will clap for NHS staff while charging them £10 to park their cars at work

Parking Meter in NHS will now clap for carers

After the government announced that free parking at work for NHS staff would soon end, they have sweetened the deal by explaining that all new parking meters will clap for NHS staff while simultaneously taking their money.

After Boris Johnson refused to back down from plans to stop paying for NHS staff to park at work, as the government has done throughout the coronavirus crisis, government officials have insisted it’s not all bad news for those working in the nation’s hospitals.

As one Downing Street source told us, “We have seen how much the ‘clap for carers’ campaign really meant to NHS staff, in showing them how much they mean to all of us.

“So these new parking machines will be programmed to clap for the entire time any NHS staff member is putting their car registration details into it and selecting the length of their shift.

“If a nurse is in line for a double shift, she could well find herself being clapped for about ninety seconds while the machine relieves her of fifteen quid.  What better way to start

“Money isn’t everything, and most NHS staff aren’t in it for the money, which is why we feel comfortable ensuring they have less of it.

“What they really want is thanks, gratitude, and a fixed amount of pre-programmed applause from a non-sentient machine primarily there to extract revenue from them.

“Well, now they can have it.  As long as they pay for their parking, obviously.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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