Thursday 25 June 2020 by James Backhouse

Rebecca Long-Bailey says she was tricked into believing antisemitic conspiracy theory by ‘Israeli mind-control beam’

Rebecca Long-Bailey sacked for antisemitism

Following Rebecca Long-Bailey’s dismissal as Shadow Education Secretary for sharing a false anti-semitic article, the Labour MP has apologised, claiming that her apparent support for antisemitic conspiracy theories was an illusion caused by a secret Israeli mind-control ray.

Long-Bailey was sacked by Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer, who sources confirm reacted with an “oh for fuck’s sake…” when told of the article she’d shared.  However, Long-Bailey has been quick to protest her innocence.

“I would like to make clear that I was wrong to support this entirely false conspiracy theory,” said Mrs Long-Bailey.

“When the truth is that I was tricked into believing it by high-frequency brain beams controlled by the Israeli secret services via a network of Jewish-owned banks.

“Now, clad in my silver hat of truth I can speak freely,” she continued, adjusting the tinfoil cone on her head.

“I can also reveal that Israeli mind-control beams were not only to blame for making Corbyn look totally unsuitable to be Prime Minister, but they also brainwashed the British public into not voting for him.

“I realised this to be true when I was outside pondering the excessively high temperatures being caused by the Jewish Weather Machine. At that moment my bottle of water was spilled by an invisible Mossad agent and it dawned on me that these antisemitic conspiracy theories are merely part of an elaborate plot spun by the Elders of Zion.

“Therefore, I’m not an anti-Semite. That being so, you can give me my job back now, Sir Kier. Or are you in the pay of the Israeli government too?”

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