Government tells people not to worry about feeding or educating their children because Primark is now open

author avatar by 3 years ago

The government has revealed today that despite the current education crisis affecting millions of children across the country, and news that thousands of vulnerable children will not be provided with food vouchers over the summer, Primark and H&M are still open for business.

As pressure mounts on the Government from all sides over the decision surrounding the vouchers, along with recent backtracking on opening up schools before September, Prime Minister Boris Johnson this morning mounted a stern defence of his party by insisting that people can still go shopping for a new pair of stretch leggings if they want.

“We utterly reject any criticism of our recent handling of this awful pandemic,” Boris told reporters on Downing Street.

“Children absolutely remain our top priority in this pandemic, and we want to do everything we possibly can to support our nation’s children with their education, and to ensure that no child in the UK goes hungry – but I think we can all agree that we needed to get Primark open first.  That’s just common sense thinking.

“We obviously have to prioritise, and that means doing what’s right for the people of our country, and rather than education, welfare and food, we feel that this largely involves shopping, football and horse racing.”

Asked when further essential support might be offered to schools to prepare them to fully reopen before September he told reporters, “We need to get the pubs open first, calm down”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get your T-shirt here!