Friday 12 June 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Boris denies country moved to the ‘pretend everything is fine’ stage of coronavirus strategy too soon


Boris Johnson on coronavirus strategy

Pound shop prime minister Boris Johnson has hit back hard at criticism that the country has moved to the ‘pretend everything is fine’ stage of the coronavirus response too soon.

As people continue to die in their hundreds, the Government strategy is to continue opening up social activities and businesses provided people ‘pretend everything is fine’.

“We are Great Britain, and pretending everything is fine is what we do better than anyone else in the world,” he thundered.

“Yes, people are still dying in quite large numbers, but they’re not you, so you can simply pretend everything is fine.”

However, some medical experts were not convinced that pretending everything is fine is a sound strategy to combat a pandemic.

“The problem with pretending everything is fine when the virus is still at large in society is that everything isn’t fine and the virus is still at large in the community,” said Doctor Geoff Patentlybloodyobvious.

“I would hold off for at least a couple more weeks.”

However, Johnson was dismissive of such criticism of the ‘pretend everything is fine’ strategy.

“As you know, I have the greatest respect for our medical professionals, but Dr Patentlybloodyobvious is clearly an idiot,” he said.

“Other countries are starting to open up so Britain should open up. We don’t want people to think that we’re less competent than New Zealand, do we?

“And with a good, healthy dose of pretending everything is fine, no one will.”

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