Wednesday 10 June 2020 by Chris Ballard

Prince Philip to be removed from public view and put in museum because ‘times have changed’


Prince Philip moved to museum

After 99 years on public display, the Duke of Edinburgh is to be put in a museum alongside context explaining his antiquated, racist views.

Offensive relics of the past are being removed – from our streets, from our streaming services and now from the Royal Family.

“Prince Philip has long been a museum piece and he now he is being put exactly where he belongs,” said Royal Archivist Simon Williams. “We’ve got the crane all ready to go.

“We considered just throwing him into a canal. However, we don’t want people to just forget about him and his deeply entrenched racism – racism so woven into his very fabric that almost everything he said betrayed his total lack of tolerance for other cultures and ethnicities. He either felt no need to hide it, or was simply incapable of doing so.

“It’s all too easy to laugh off his behaviour as a series of ‘gaffes’ made by an old man; to portray the Queen as silently cringing with embarrassment as an aunt might flinch at a tipsy uncle at a wedding.

“But let’s be clear about what the Duke of Edinburgh represents – he is a remnant of white British imperialism and it is right that he sits in a museum so people can learn from the mistakes of the past.

“We should remember Prince Philip happened in the same way we should never forget about the holocaust or the Rwandan genocide or any of the other atrocities perpetrated because of one man’s baseless hatred towards the ‘other’.”

Her Majesty is obviously upset at the removal of her husband but is trying to look on the bright side.

“May one have a go driving the crane?” she asked.

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