Monday 8 June 2020

Violence doesn’t accomplish anything, unless you’re using it to threaten another journalist, confirms Boris Johnson


Boris says violence never works

People should not resort to violence to get their own way, unless you’re using it to help a friend get back at a journalist they don’t like, according to Boris Johnson.

The prime minister has spoken out after protests against racism turned violent over the weekend, something he insists ‘never accomplishes anything’.

Johnson told reporters, “As I watch these so-called protesters throwing things around and smashing things up, I can’t help but wonder why they think these violent outbursts will accomplish anything.  It never does.

“Well, except when you’re using it to put the frighteners on a journalist who is investigating things you don’t want them to – then violence, and the threat of violence can be useful, according to my buddy Darius Guppy anyway.

“Back in my days as a Telegraph correspondent, it was clear the only way to stop reporters looking into things you don’t want them to was the threat of a few broken ribs – but there is a world of difference between using violence to stop a single reporter doing their job, and using violence to change society’s attitudes to race.

“Just because it was an appropriate course of action for Darius and I doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for the Black Lives Matter movement to go around scaring people and smashing things up.

“If anything, they have to behave better than I did, because I’m white and they’re black, so it looks worse when they do it.

“Oh. Yes. I see your point.”

A cabinet of arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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