Monday 8 June 2020 by Davywavy and Orange Peel

Living statue bricking himself now


living statue shitting himself

A man who makes his living wearing a top hat and painted grey is wondering if he made the wrong career choice this morning.

Simon Williams, who provides a bit of entertainment for bypassers and tourists in return for small change, has always been the butt of jokes but fears the way he makes his living may be in danger.

“I’ve added a sign to my pitch that reads ‘I can’t swim’, just in case someone mistakes me for an actual Victorian grandee and hoys me into the river,” he told us.

“I stand there wearing a topper and looking at a pocket watch like I’m late for something important and people throw their money at me, not me into the nearest body of water,” he went on.

“I’m thinking of changing my costume to a cheerful policeman. I’m bound to be safe then.”

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