After the government announced that face masks would be compulsory on public transport from the 15th June, people have been warned to be prepared to sit next to the odd gimp on their way to work.
With many people back at work for over a week now, there are some questions as to why the government has decided we have to wear masks from a week on Monday, rather than now, though government insiders insist we should be grateful anyone is being asked to wear them at all.
“Michael Gove is a big fan of the gimp mask. I think if you check the minutes, he’s been suggesting compulsory gimp masks since mid-January when Coronavirus was first even mentioned.
“He will be delighted at the prospect of a public transport system full of people in leather bondage gear that definitely qualifies as a mask.”
Meanwhile, borderline pervert Simon Williams told us he’s been wearing his gimp mask on the bus for a couple of months now.
He said, “Yes, masks are compulsory from the 15th June, but they’ve been voluntary for ages. With the lockdown in place, and home visitors not allowed, the bus is pretty much the only place I get to wear my mask.
“Sure, I get a few funny looks from the other passengers, but I’m doing my bit to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus, while also letting myself get a little bit turned on during my commute.
“I think that’s the very definition of win-win.”