BBC to show repeats of classic political resignations in absence of live events for public to enjoy

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The BBC is airing nostalgic alternatives to events which should have taken place this year – sporting fixtures, Glastonbury performances and political resignations.

2020 is a year of disappointments – cancelled holidays, rescheduled concerts, postponed tournaments…and the failure of lying hypocrites to resign from their shadowy roles in the world of politics.

Fortunately, the BBC will be broadcasting retro resignations so we can at least feel some sense of justice by reliving a nostalgic comeuppance or two.

Producer Simon Williams explains.

“The BBC is really proving what a beacon of light it is in times of darkness,” he said.

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“Don’t let your anger consume you – sit back and enjoy the schadenfreude of a range of high-profile political figures being forced to resign.

“These were simpler, more innocent times when people who’d really fucked up couldn’t just carry on doing their job because they were accountable to no one.”

Some of the highlights of the resignation season include:

Edwina Currie: It wasn’t her sordid affair with John Major that felled this Tory rising star – hell, she’s only human. No, it was the fact she scared the nation silly by incorrectly claiming that all British-produced eggs were riddled with salmonella.

Imagine a politician having to resign simply because they said something which wasn’t actually true!

John Profumo: the Conservative minister who rather carelessly had an affair with a girl who two-timed him with a Russian spy.

Imagine a politician being forced to resign simply because they compromised the integrity of public office by shagging someone inappropriate!

Jeremy Thorpe: The Liberal leader who hired a hitman to kill his gay lover only for the assassin to kill a dog instead – an act of such bungling incompetence there are theories that it was actually a young Chris Grayling.

Imagine a politician being forced to resign simply because they were involved in a plot to have an innocent victim suffer an act of violence!

Priti Patel: The former International Development Secretary who has forced to resign for holding shady off-the-books meetings with Israeli officials while on ‘holiday’.  Whatever happened to her?

Andrew Mitchell: The former Chief Whip of the Conservative Party was forced to resign following allegations he called a police officer on Downing Street a ‘pleb’.  Imagine! A politician resigning for calling someone a pleb, I mean, it’s not like he advocated a policy that would kill thousands of them.

Simpler times indeed…