Dominic Cummings will be followed through the streets by a sturdy nun shouting ‘Shame!’ in the latest effort by the government to put the current lockdown scandal behind them.
Cummings, who will be stripped naked for the event, will be paraded through the streets for locals to throw things in an attempt to mollify the voting public.
Popular leader, The High Starmer, welcomed the move, saying that the ordinary, humble people of the land deserved to see their leaders observe the same rules as them, insisting, “Sin leads us away from the lockdown, and only confession can purge that sin.”
“Dominic needs to learn a bit of humility, and some very public humiliation will not only do him a lot of good, but also will be jolly good fun to watch for anyone whose ever been on the receiving end of one of his bollockings,” said anonymous Tory source Simon Williams, MP.
“He says it was all for his children, but nobody is surprised that a man who has spent his entire career saying he doesn’t care what other people think was incapable of finding anyone with if 250 miles willing to look after his kids.
“And he has an inappropriately close relationship with a well-known blond,” he added.
”I went to Waitrose to get some rotten fruit for the walk, but what was I thinking? Of course, they of all people didn’t have any. Haha! Shame! Shame!”
When asked, Cummings threatened to light a fire under all his enemies.